After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
