You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
