He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
