i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I AM VODKA MAN
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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