you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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