Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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