oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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