god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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