im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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