you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
