You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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