I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
