I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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