How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
