turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
