There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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