Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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