i may or may not be watching the land before time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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