I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
