Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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