I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
