I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pants are for mortals
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
