Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
