he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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