I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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