Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
