Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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