Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize