What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
