I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
