There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
