handjob tips. give me some.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I die, sorry about rent.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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