I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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