Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
