I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
