a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
