"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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