you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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