haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
