Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
