absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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