morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
