its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
