I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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