I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
