So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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