a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
