thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
