why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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