the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
