so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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