He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
