I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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