I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wear drunk well.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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