Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
