White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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