i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
