Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bring me that man meat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
