so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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