Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
