its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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