I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
