literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
FUCK WHALES
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
