I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
