fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
