i would punch a child for taco bell
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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