he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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