Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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