he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
