Say something about gay babies.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
