he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
