I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
