the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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