I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
