I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
