It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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