Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
