need another drink. this is the easiest way
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
