If i come over, it means nothing
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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