we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
