I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
