It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
